Conflict Resolution

Without a doubt, conflict resolution is the most important concept that determines the difference between successful and unsuccessful marriages.  How can you solve the marriage problem unless you solve the marriage problems?  

The most important communication skill you can learn in your marriage is conflict resolution.

So what determines the difference between success and failure?

Quite simply the difference is disagreements vs arguments, or put another way, problem solving vs fault finding.  To define a problem without discussing a solution is being judgmental, that's a concept you might want to put on your refrigerator.  

And what determines the difference between disagreements and arguments,  Disagreements are logical and forward looking while arguments are emotional and backward looking.  And to state a most emphatic point, you cannot solve emotionally based arguments. 

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead, or put another way, once a conflict goes from logical to emotional, from disagreements to arguments you cannot solve the problem. 

If you want to have a successful marriage then you must keep your conflicts on the plane of logic, as disagreements, with the goal of solving the problem by taking both sides into consideration, using empathy and respect to understand your partner's perspective.  

Just imagine for a moment how peaceful your marriage will be if there are no arguments, if your conflicts are managed as disagreements, and if you are able to solve every problem in your marriage.

If fact, you must solve every problem in your marriage or else you will create what are called psychic lesions, which are holes in your mental development that will never develop, that will eventually die.

For example, if you and your partner have problems with intimacy, so that every time the subject comes up an argument ensues and does not get resolved.  Eventually you quit discussing this topic, or any topic you argue about, and it never gets resolved, and that subject becomes taboo and eventually dies in your marriage.  

The reason marriages end is because of unresolved conflicts that lead to couples growing apart, it's as simple as that!!!

You must solve every problem in your marriage!!!

And you solve your problems using a concept used by Martin Luther King, a concept known as civil disobedience.  In other words, you can disagree on anything, as long as you are civil about it.

You and your spouse should both actively discuss with each other how you both will handle conflicts.  

The Marriage Support Group on Facebook

And don't forget to join the Marriage Support Group. I have started a Marriage Support Group on Facebook as a safe and private place for people to get help and advice in their marriages so they can learn how to create a lifelong marriage.

I would like to invite you to join the group.

Here is the link to join the group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/HappyRelationship

This interview summarizes my message.